After a restless night, I woke up and decided I was ok for work. Getting the boys ready, as well as myself, is getting a little harder, but then Leonie has been superb - I don't know where I would be without her. I usually take Sidney to nursery on Tuesdays and Thursdays and today was no different. On the way Sid and I always chat, mainly random topics, whatever goes through a 3 year olds head, and the subjects change rapidly. I'm sure all parents can relate to this situation. But today Sid was different, in a way he seemed concerned for me. He started off by asking about gluten free and food I can eat/not eat. I think it started from it being pancake day. After a while the subject evolved into asking questions about my tummy. I always try to be truthful with my kids, telling them straight up an answer if they ask a good question. Sid asked if after my operation to take my tummy, would I still have skin? I told him that of course I would. That one question, for some reason made me cry. Here I was sat in a traffic jam in the middle of Preston on the nursery run, crying.
I gathered myself together and managed to get Sid dropped off. I went into work and settled down for the day ready to work. The only problem was that I couldn't shake the worry and panic I was feeling, stemming from such an innocent question. During the day, I had to have a few trips to the bathroom, just to get myself together, and I don't mind admitting that I really did struggle to keep the crying at a minimum. I was just having a bad day, and although everybody I came across was cheery, I was not. I emailed Leonie and told her about my bad day. She emailed me back telling me that I was strong, stronger than most, and reminded me I had only had chemo 4 days prior and yet here I am, sat at my desk at work.
I know loads of people go through the big C battle every day. Some struggle, but I have to remind myself that I am young, I have something worth fighting for and I do not give in. I struggled the rest the day and Leonie was again my rock when I got home. We cuddled, we went to bed. Another day done, it has been a hard day, but another ticked off. Tomorrow is another battle and hopefully an easier one.