Productive Day

Both of us had a lie in on Saturday as the boys were staying at Sheilas.  We got up around 9.30 am and went to get the boys just after 10.  The boys had been good and we had a brew with my sister.  Sheila has been great picking up the boys and looking after them, sometimes at short notice too.  I dropped them all home and went to get my hired hand for the day, Lee, who was up to visit Laura.  Laura works Saturdays so he was free to give me a hand, he is a sparky by trade but is used to working building sites - a BBQ will be built this summer.

First up was to pick some bricks up from Deepdale, we got a boot load and dropped them back at my house and stopped off for lunch.  After a pit stop we went to Hutton to get some more bricks from Lauras mums.  After dropping these back at home, it was a few trips to my parents for flags.  One more call out for sand and we were ready to start laying the flags.

We only managed to lay 8 flags from the 12 but, it looks good so far!  I am really chuffed and Lee was awesome, as I carried a couple of bricks and trowled sand while he did all the heavy lifting.  It was a very productive day and I kept Lee well watered with some larger that we had left as I can't drink it.  It was good to be outside for the day and Leonie said I'm a bit hyperactive for about 24 hours after Chemo.  It looks like I caught the sun and I am feeling great, albeit fidgety and tired at the same time!

Leonie was off today so she was able to look after the boys while Lee and I sorted out the base of the BBQ.  Laura came over after finishing work to pick up Lee and we got the boys fed and bathed before going to bed.  We had an awesome tea, home made pizza.  I love making my own pizzas and put loads of veg and meat on; today we even had three cheese pizza as well.

After watching some TV, we went to bed early, but  I find it difficult to sleep after Chemo, so I lay in bed awake, and think about things.  I think about being able to run and cycle again, also other things like future holidays with Leonie and the boys and having fun with them.  I want to give the boys so much variety and let them grow up believing that anything is possible!  You just have to have the right motivation and will, and you can achieve anything.

Inspired Chemo

Friday was Chemo session two, and I was strangely looking forward to it, it is good to know that the Chemo is attacking the cancer, but it also has a really good social aspect to it as well.  I get to talk to other people in a similar situation and the nurses also make it fun.

We dropped the boys off at my sisters, she was looking after them and they were excited to be staying over at Amelia, Lotties and Evies house.  My mum drove us to the hospital and we went to hand in the entry forms that I had collected from work for the Rosemere Walk in the Dark at the charity office.  They too are very friendly and as soon as I walked in they recognised me from last week.  They had the cutting from the paper and also had read the blog.  We had a chat about a few events and a couple of ideas and then we had to leave for my Chemo appointment.

We went upstairs and were shown into a side room, there was an old lady in there, but I wanted to be in the main ward so I could chat with some others.  Leonie asked if we could and they made the arrangements so I could have a chair.  We went in and saw Jo, Chris and Mandie.  We were sat in the corner and Jo was excited to tell us about a visit they had the day before, Steve Davies, the snooker player.  She showed us the photos as I was hooked up, and I was told my blood had raised from 0.5 to 1.3, so I could have the chemo.

We settled down and a few laughs with everyone.  We were told that one of the patients who was due in shortly was a prisoner but he would be escorted and handcuffed, what were we due to expect?  We read some magazines and then he arrived, he looked quite frail and was in his mid sixties, he didn't look to be in a good way.  During the day he was continually sick, but very quiet about it and the two guards sat with him all day.

In the late morning Claire Serle came to see us and we talked through the symptoms and plan; we are looking at mid June to late July for the surgery if all goes to plan.  Once I finish the Chemo I would have a break from between 6-10 weeks.  This would work perfectly for Leonie and myself so we can celebrate our 8 year wedding anniversary with our annual BBQ, which will be early June, our anniversary is the 9th June so we would normally celebrate the following weekend.

After lunch a man brought in a baby and the nurses all got excited.  I was told that she was the newborn of one of the patients.  Emma came in shortly afterwards and was talking to the nurses and taking photos, she introduced herself and asked if I was writing the blog.  She sat down with me for about 30-45 minutes and we exchanged stories.  Emma was so full of life and showed a lot of strength.  At around 14 weeks pregnant she was diagnosed with bowel cancer and was advised to terminate the pregnancy, but she wanted to have the child.  Within a month when she was around 25 weeks pregnancy she got engaged, married, started Chemo and gave birth.  Erin was born premature, but like her mum was a fighter.  Born at just 1lb 10oz she has never left hospital but after 5 months is showing resilience (now over 8lb) and is going home soon with just oxygen to help to continue to develop her lungs.  Emma continues with Chemo and has not missed a session.  We talked for a while and could relate to each other, I hope to keep in contact as she is my inspiration.  Having a child is hard work, but to do that under the circumstances she found herself in is phenomenal!  And Erin is the miracle baby.  I would say Steve Davies is a good visitor (it was arranged for him to come and visit Emma and Erin), but I think meeting these two was much more inspiring.

I finished Chemo around half 4 and my mum was due to pick us up, but she hadn't arrived when we left so I called her, she was stuck in traffic as there had been an accident on the main by-pass to Preston from Penwortham, so I called Lisa who was still at work and she happily agreed to drop us back home, which was very helpful,  it turned out my mum had travelled about 2 miles in an hour!

At home we had a take away and got comfortable on the sofa.  As like last time, I am full of colour, like I have been in the sun and gone a little red, and already my voice has gone slightly horse.  We went to bed early but it wasn't until after midnight that I fell asleep, it's the steroids that keep me awake.  Luckily the boys were staying over so we could have a lie in on Saturday morning.

Speedy Week

This week has gone by in a blur.  On Monday I was in work as usual and I knew that the story would be in the paper again with my first column.  I was so excited.  On my lunch I popped out to buy a copy and there it was, page 19 of the Lancashire Evening Post, but with my name spelt wrong! I got some stick for that one and promptly emailed my contact to ask them to have it changed for the Thursday column, which I also sent in to them, along with some photos. 

In the evenings we have been catching up on some TV, not doing much but I have been quite tired.  I have thought about the upcoming surgery, my biggest fear is the immediate time after the surgey, as I won't be able to eat initially and I will probably lose some weight, which would be bad news as there isn't much of me now.  I intend to bulk up as much as possible.  When I went for the initial surgery in early Feb I saw a dietician who said I should aim for 57 kilos (I work in stone so this means nothing to me) but last time I was weighed at the hospital I had surpased this target.  This can only be a good thing, and I have plenty of postive comments about how good I look, my skin colour has improved, no more pale grey.  They say you blossom in pregnancy, but I seem to blossoming in chemo!

Tuesday and Wednesday went by in a blur, but after work on Wednesday I went to pick up some bricks to start to build what is fast becoming nicknamed "The Reclaimed BBQ".  I like this idea, and it should work out ok.  On Wednesday evening, the MD of the company I used to work for, contacted me and offered an unused and free BBQ base, its all coming together.

Thursday was my last day in work this week as it is the delayed chemo from last week tomorrow.  Chemo number two, lets hope I get it administered tomorrow as I don't want to be hanging around weeks inbetween.  I have been getting on with quite a few bits of work, but it's getting more difficult as the team is small and with sickness and holidays, my work is mounting up, but I do enjoy it and I think that it will all get done at somepoint, my peers and colleagues have been great, not putting any pressure on, but at the same time I don't want it to be an excuse, so the customers still are demanding as always.

My second column for the LEP is due in today so again I popped out and bought a copy.  This time I featured on page 18, but still with my name spelt wrong.  It's getting annoying now, and as anyone who knows me, spelling my name wrong is one of my pet hates, how hard can it be to spell RIC CLARK?  Everyone who reads the article says it is a good read, honestly written.  David, who is Karyn's boss at work always brings me back down to earth with a bump, it's not meant to be hurtful, but some of his comments are funny and true. Like the fact my column featured inbetween two stories, one about dog poo and the other about the bad smells coming from a chicken factory, nice.  Mondays article was above another story with the word mortality in the title.  In the paper that day there was another story about a women being treated at Rosemere and she was 27, reading other stories like this is inspirational to me, and it's good to know that I'm  not alone.

When I got home, me and Leonie always have a catch up about our days, I don't think she understands what I do, in fact amongst all my friends and family, everyone calls me Chandler from Friends as no-one knows what I do, so I am a "transponder".  In my job we use loads of acronyms and abbreviations, I said somethig about BI, and Leonie asked what it meant, so I asked her to guess what it meant.  She came up with a few ideas; information, insurance, in-head, in-brain etc etc.  Oscar, our 5 year old, walked into the kitchen and stopped to say "it means Intelligence, mummy" before turning to walk out and go and play on the games console.  We called him back and I asked him how he knew, his answer was that it was on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but he didn't know what it meant, he does now!!

When I left work, I made sure I had everyone's money and entry forms for the Rosemere Walk in the Dark.  It will be on the 26th April and its a 10 mile walk from Chorley to Preston, you can join in by going to www.rosemere.org.uk, you will find loads of info and events on the website.  You can also sponsor us as a group (so far about 20 people have signed up with us to do it), donate by going to
www.justgiving.com/HRServices-Rosemere.

Tomorrow is chemo session two, so an early night ready for the long day tomorrow.  I am all prepared and ready to go.

Welsh Visit for the Weekend

Welsh Visit for the Weekend The weekend started off a bit differently from what I had expected, firstly we woke up earlier than expected as the boys were in bed with us, which wasn't planned.  They were due to stop at Granny and Granddads, but as the chemo was cancelled we wanted them back home.  We got up and dressed and took the boys out for a walk in the sun as it is my brother’s anniversary on the 22nd March, so we walked to his grave.  We visit it sometimes as it is near the park that the boys like to go and play at, but as we arrived the weather turned and it was a rush back and unfortunately no park fun for the boys.  Instead we marched them home in windy and wet conditions.

When we got home, we warmed up and planned a day of cleaning.  I helped out intermittently but Leonie cleared up and I vacuumed while playing on the PS3 with the boys; Oscar is still determined to get another game and his Lego obsession is relentless.  Leonie even had time to dye her hair a dark red which suits her and looks good!  We were due to have Ema and Dan to stay over.  Both of them have been great and we keep in touch every couple of days.  Ema is really supportive and fiercely loyal, Dan is entertaining and surreal.  They arrived about6pm and Leonie was just finishing some bits up.  I'm kind of glad that I didn't have the chemo as I get to spend some fun times with these guys.  As we put the boys to bed, they both cooked an awesome lasagne for us all.  We ate and then drank and just sat chatting and laughing.  It was late as we went to bed, we all had had a few drinks and it was a good night.

We woke in the morning while Ema and Dan stayed in bed a little longer, the boys had their breakfast.  Sid was due at his friend’s birthday party, I took Leonie and Sid while Ema and Dan cooked us a chicken roast dinner.  When we got back we ate like kings and Leonie made a GF apple crumble.  Ema and Dan left and we just relaxed in the afternoon. 

It was a really good weekend, relaxing and I was able to take my mind off things.  It all seems a little unreal, as I feel like this is happening to someone else and not me.  The most annoying thing about the treatment and side affects is finding short hairs in your food, as my hair keeps falling out, I feel a little trepidation having a shower as I tend to spend more time washing my body to remove the stray hairs, rather than washing myself!  But if that’s all I have to worry about then so be it, this is minimal to what could be happening, listening to other peoples stories, so I count myself lucky.

Frustrating Friday

I woke up early in anticipation of the second chemo day.  I had a shower amd we dropped the boys at my sisters as she was dropping them off at school/nursery for us.  We arrived early at the hospital so went to the Rosemere Foundation Charity office.  We met Rita who was enthusiastic and offered to pass on my details to the fundraiser for my area as they cover all of Lancashire and South Cumbria.  I handed in our entry forms for the Walk in the Dark (sponsor us at www.justgiving.com/HRServices-Rosemere, thanks)

I was called up to the ward and saw the student nurse Chris and also an old mutual friend, Joanna, who is also a nurse on the ward.  I was shown to my chair and began to get comfortable.  Jo mentioned that my bloods came back with a low white cell count, so she needed to take another sample and wait for the results, which would take about 45 minutes.   I sat back in the chair as she took my blood and started off the IV machine to give me the saline while we waited for the results.

To pass the time we laughed and joked with Chris, Jo and another patient as the ward wasn't full, Chris was going to a fancy dress party as a frog, as it was jungle themed.  Thanks to google for providing important info in his research for the role of a frog!

The time passed quickly and the bloods came back unaltered from the previous days sample.  Jo explained that they would expect the count to be around 1.5, and that they would administer the chemo with a count above 1, but my results were around 0.5.  She went onto say that if I were to have chemo with my current levels, it would likely kill me, so she recommeded that I don't have the chemo today and it be postponed for a week to allow my body to recover!  I agreed.  Apparantly this is a common occurance and the guy next to me had had two chemo sessions delayed for the same reason.   Claire came up to instruct me to take it easy this week and told me that I wouldn't be recieving any drugs to take home.

We left the ward a little frustrated as I feel fine within myself and we were geared up to go, had organised time off work, a sleepover for the boys and general childcare, now we had to re-do all of this for next week.  We joked that it's an inconvenience, but its better to be alive with an inconvenience,  than not be alive at all.

Leonie had received some vouchers for her birthday in Januray for the Walled Garden at Barton Grange.  We always tended to go here for our wedding anniversary,  but then life took over and we haven't been for a while.  Its a nice little restaurant, very quaint.  Leonie had a risotto and I had chicken, all locally produced.  Over half the menu was GF, which was surprising.  After a pleasant and relaxing lunch we went to get some shopping before heading home to wait for the boys.   I think everything caught up with me, and I fell asleep (as did Leonie) for a couple of hours.

In the evening we watched Sports Relief.   The things people do for charity, for example Davina Mcall, reminded me of my swim and where all this began, but her challenge was really inpirstional.  I love things like this, it spurs me on to better things, I want to do another big challenge, I hope I get a chance to do another challenge and we are starting to plan the next one for next year hopefully.

Generosity

I have never seen such generosity from people.  I have been going into work everyday, business as usual and have been trying to get people signed up for the Rosemere Walk In The Dark (http://www.rosemere.org.uk/index.php/community-events/345-ready-steady-glow) on the 26th April.  As I was sat at my desk, a guy, Stuart Bennie, who works downstairs to me came and handed me a cheque for the charity.  It was for quite a sum of money amd I was completely lost for words, it was overwhelming the generosity of the Stuart, thanks.

So far about 10 people have signed up to do the walk with me and we have raised over £200 so far, you can sponsor us at JustGiving, search for "HRServices-Rosemere".  Thank you to everyone who has already donated, your generosity is outstanding.

After lunch, I found another gift on my desk, some GF cookies from Michelle (another good friend at work who is heavily pregnant).  I think people are turning into feeders, ensuring that I am well fed.  I don't mind at all, in fact I quite like eating and enjoy cookies, cakes and sweets - if people are wanting to feed me, I am happy to oblige, as long as I don't end up fat!

After work I was given a package from Anne and Gordon, it was filled with GF treats, crumpets and chocolate bars, ginger cakes and a good luck card for Friday (chemo day two).  Everybody has been so fantatsic and helpful in their own ways, signing up to walk from Chorley to Preston, donating to the Rosemere charity, helping with the kids or just being there as a good ear for both of us, Leonie and me.

Thursday I went into work as usual and I got everything as up to date as possible, ready just in case I need some time off after tomorrows chemo session.  In the evening, as usual, Laura and Zoe came over.  I look forward to Thursday night and having them over, its become a highlight of the week!  We just have fun together and talk rubbish but its also good to keep up with them.  We used to live next door to Laura and we lived in each others back yards, and Zoe was just down the road.  They were good times and we always had fun, mainly fuelled by alcohol, but a good time to remember, we called ourselves the SRM!

Tomorrow is day two of chemo, another day in the hospital, and well on the way with treatment.  I haven't been too bad, but Dr Mitchell did warn it could be worse.  I hope that it continues like it is, I can cope with this so far.  I am pretty much prepared for tomorrow, wonder what this cycle will bring?

An Audience with...

Yesterday I was given a GF lemon drizzle cake.  I love cake and have always had a sweet tooth.  I used to work closely with Janet Thomas, but now we are working in different teams.  As I got to my desk, I found a large package wrapped in tin foil with a note on top.  Janet had baked me the cake and it really was good, you wouldn't be able to tell that it was GF, it was so moist, unlike other GF cakes which tend to be dry and basically fall apart.  If I had the money I would employ her as my cake baker!

The weeks are tending to drag a little, it seems ages ago that I was last at the hospital for chemo.  Today I was due back for an appointment with my oncologist, Dr Mitchell.  Both Leonie and I arrived in plenty of time, and sat in the waiting room.  I still look around and only see older people, I am always the youngest patient there.  We were called through and went to sit in the consultation room.  It seemed that a crowd of doctors and nurses walked in, there were only 4, but with Leonie and I in the small room, Janette (upper GI nurse) sat on the bed, Dr Mitchell and Claire (trials nurse) sat in front of us and another nurse stood.  It was like I was presenting to them, or being interviewed and all of them were hanging off my every word.  It was quite funny as all of them were so supportive and excited to see how well I was, but at the same time empathetic and sorry to hear I had some symptoms.   Dr Mitchell was pleased I had put on weight and was happy to tell me that all the signs were good.  They were all surprised to learn I was still at work, so I decided not to tell them that I had been out running.

All in all I was really happy with the whole chemo treatment so far, and from what they were saying, they were too, bring on the rest of the treatment, then the surgery to get rid of it, then I can move on from this and get on with the rest of my life.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Leonie would not normally work on a Monday, but as it is chemo week, she has swapped her days so she can come with me on Friday.  This meant that Sid was at playgroup then Granny was picking him up for the afternoon, and Oscar was at school.  I asked Karyn if I could leave early to pick up the boys after school, she told me it wouldn't be a problem.

So it was just another day at the office, or so I thought.  I had a couple of meetings, and kept popping back to my desk.  Wherever I went, I found short hairs everywhere.  I didn't think where they were coming from until the early afternoon, when I scratched my chin and a few whiskers fell onto my desk.  I suddenly realised that it must be my beard.  I went to the bathroom and rubbed my beard, loads of whiskers fell out, then I rubbed my hair and a few came out. I dared not touch my hair/beard until I was back home.  I finished up at work about 2.30 so I could get to school in time, it was a bit stressful at work as we are a small team.  The two guys holding it all together, Mike and Matt, are doing a sterling job in pretty dire times, and keeping us treading water as a team, Thanks Guys!

When I got home, I decided to have a nice soak in the bath.  I washed my hair and relaxed.  I noticed lots of hair in the water and it was worse when I emptied the water.  I text Leonie to tell her.  When she got home I showed her and we agreed that a shave was in order.  I usually cut my own hair and do a number 4 all over then shave my stubble, I got a pretty damn good pair of clippers!  So I shaved it all as I would, although the beard went completely.  It didn't look any different to normal which was good, but I suspect it may all come off at some point.

I was saying to Leonie only a couple of days ago that the cancer and chemo didn't seem real as I feel ok, in fact feel good, and people have commented on how well I look, but now loosing some hair it does feel real for the first time properly.  It's strange that 17 days after chemo started, it only now feels like it's changing me, doing something!  I'm not upset about loosing my hair at all, it was on its way out anyway, I may as well get used to it as my hair line has been going backwards for sometime, this has just increased the rate I suppose, and anyway Leonie said she prefers it short!

Weekend Fun

Saturday was my first day looking after the boys on my own for a month and a half.  I always have the boys on my own on a Saturday, we call it Daddy Day!  Today was relaxed, we watched a movie in the morning, then we played with some Lego and did some painting, before having a go on the playstation playing Batman Lego.  Oscar loves playing on the computer, I told him that if he completes this game, he can get another one.  So naturally he is now obsessed with completing the game, currently he is about half way through.

In the late afternoon, my mum popped over for a brew, and we had nice chat.  Leonie came home and I cooked risotto, one of my favourites to make and eat, the boys are getting better at introducing more stuff into their "spicy rice", so it's getting easier to make it.

Leonie was due on a night out, so we had a quick catch up and I watched a bit of TV before having a early night.  I was knackered after having a good, energetic lads day, I love having the boys for a day, just the three of us.  Both the boys are my best mates, we get on so well and I can't wait until we can go for days out on our bikes or days in the lakes.  I would love it to have action lads when they grow up.

Sunday I woke up early, it was the start of the F1 season.  I was going round to Ray and Dawns house for breakfast and to watch the race.  I was knocking on their door at 5:45 am, the lights were out and I was sure the clocks hadn't gone forward or done something weird.  Shortly, Ray answered and apologised, he had fallen back to sleep, I felt really bad, but then again I had brought gluten free sausages and maple syrup.  We sat down and began watching the race.  About 5 laps in and the sky go was buffering, it did so for the majority of the race, but we watched it.  I love F1, and I like a fast paced life in general; I love running fast, driving fast, anything as long as its fast!  Over the next couple of months I expect things to slow down, I'm not entirely sure how I will cope, this is probably the most worrying thing for me at the moment.  We enjoyed our breakfast and everyone was complementary of the GF sausages. 

I was home just after 9 and then out again to go to church.  It is my brothers anniversary on the 22nd, so my mum asks for him to be included in the rememberance prayers.  David died 8 years ago, and I miss my older brother.  He was very stubborn, a Clark trait, but he was his own person. Although we were pals, I had only really gotten to know him in our adult lives.  He had made his mistakes, but we all do.  He was becoming a good friend and a closer brother, albeit in his own particular way.

After the service, we had a brew and chatted to a few people, a lot were asking how I was, and I saw some old faces from when I was younger, along with plenty of familiar ones.  My family have been attending the church at St Leonards for longer than I have been here, so we know a lot of people, and a lot of people are aware of our family.

In the afternoon, I had planned to get some bricks to start building the BBQ, but instead we had a nice unexpected visit from our friend Louise and her daughter Rose.  Louise even brought her running kit, she wanted to have a jog out with me, and her thoughts were that if I had cancer and was going through chemo and putting on weight she could keep up with me, but I showed her that it doesn't stop me, and it would take more than that to beat me; as my friend Stacy knows, I would need to be eating gluten as well!  Our guests stayed for tea, and I enjoyed our run out, again it just lifts me, psycologically.  Keep up with your normal life and you don't get down,  just keep going as normal as possible - take control and understand this is just another day like any other!

In the evening I was pretty tired after a busy weeekend, we watched a bit of TV and went to bed early.  That's over two weeks completed of chemo and its going well without any real problems.

Charity

I have just set up
a Charity Page on Just Giving (www.justgiving.com/teams/HRServices-Rosemere). I hope to raise some money for the centre where I am being treated - Rosemere Cancer Foundation at Royal Preston Hospital.

Click on the link above to make a donation or you can text to make a donation (text "HRSR80 £5" to 70070) - all the details are on the page.  I will keep it updated.

My first event will be a Walk in Dark, an event organised by Rosemere themselves.  Its a 13 miles walk from Chorley Hospital to Preston Hospital in April.  Come and join in if you want!