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Friday, 31 October 2014

Time To Reflect

It's been nine months since I found out I had Cancer, and although I don't really like using the term - it's been quite a journey. When looking back at the last 9 months myself and my family have been through a lot. From my world being ripped apart when Mr Ball said that the tumour was malignent to having Chemotherapy start almost immediately in a whirlwind of February after having investigative day surgery and numerous appointments. Then followed a major operation to remove what I thought would be an integral organ for eating and digestion (but what do I know) and then more Chemotherapy. In some ways it's like it hasn't happened to me, obviously I know I have been through it, I still feel it everyday, everytime I eat, but it seems like so much has happened I can't take it all in and it seems like so much has happened that it simply can't be true. Am I in denial? Surely all of this can't have happened to me! It is so strange that it has happened, and I am glad I have written the blog to remind me of all I have gone through. All of this year has been a blur and I seem to have come out of it relatively well and unscathed (Ok I have a huge scar across my abdomen, but thats the only noticlable difference) If you look at me you wouldn't know what I have been through and also that I have no stomach - NO STOMACH, how crazy is that!! I went to the local shop today and saw a friend who said I looked great, in fact most people I see say the same thing, which is quite an ego boost, but in reality I look no different and if you didn't know me, you wouldn't know any different. If people ask if having cancer has changed me in any way, I would say so. I don't dwell on the insignificant things that used to wind me up. I can't stand people worrying about things that can't be changed. I was stood at the bus stop the other week and people were complaining that the bus was late. It was late by about a minute, but why worry about this or let it get under your skin, there are bigger problems out there. Such a first world problem. So what if you are 2 minutes late. I have also learnt to appreciate the stuff that really matters, family and friends. As long as you have people in your life that care for you, and that you care about, then you should be happy. So yeah, I have learnt not to fret about the stupid things but care for the important people more, appreciate what you have and do the best with it, it may not last long and the world could end tomorrow. But live in the moment and enjoy what you are given. So cliched but true.

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