Easy Week

The beginning of the week was just normal, in a strange way I look forward to the Chemo and this week, because of the Easter holidays it was due on Thursday, instead of the normal Friday.  The boys were off school and Leonie was off work.  I decided to work, mainly so I can save my holidays depending on how well I recover from the surgery, so I went into work.  On Monday, all the other team leaders were off and Karyn was off too, so I was sort of left in charge.  Everyone works well and there were no hiccups.  Although I had lost a team memeber on Friday (Rob), Mike returned to work after a holiday and its good to have him back,  also Amy began work again after a few weeks sick, but she has been moved to a new project, so I asked her to update a few things before she moves offices and we lose her completely.

Tuesday was good too, plenty to keep us all occupied, this week I had been working full days and I feel great and really looking forward to the Chemo, its the last session before surgery and I can get this half of the treatment out of the way, I had a spring in my step, and the weather being sunny really makes a difference, probably due to the increase in missing vitamin D!  In the evening, my mum came over so that Leonie and me could go food shopping, we hadn't been in ages so desperatly needed to go and it would be much easier without the boys.

The day before Chemo, I need to give a blood sample, so on Wednesday I went to hospital on the way to work to provide my sample.  The blood clinic is near the front of the hospital and when I arrived I took my ticket, there was about 10 before me from looking at the electronic sign by the door.  I took a seat and was soon talking to an older gentleman.  We waited patiently and were commenting on the flow of people going through the hospital, I told the old man its a great place to people watch and he agreed.  I was waiting about 45 minutes, but eventually got in and had my bloods done, then I rushed to work.

During the afternoon I had a call from oncology telling me that my Chemo had been postponed due to low bloods, again!  The Chemo would be next Thursday instead.  I felt a little deflated as this would have been the last session and now it was delayed, but both Leonie and Karyn said the same thing, its how my body copes with the Chemo and is probably why I'm doing so well the rest of the time.  I had been in contact with Emma and we were both due in on Thursday, so I let her know I had been delayed but agreed to go and visit her anyway.  The nurses, both oncology and trials, told me to stop with my medication straight away, I suppose I have a week of no tablets which would be good.

In the evening I went to pick up Zoe and she came over for the evening and we laughed so much, and had a little drink.  She was planning some fundraisimg activites at work to raise some more money for Rosemere.  People have been fantastic in their support!  I had arranged to have Thursday off as holiday to spend some time with my family, as Leonie is due on a hen party in Cardiff this weekend, and her sister, Amanda, is coming up to help with the boys, its gonna be a fun packed Easter break.

Eventful Weekend

Leonie was working on Saturday so I was up early with the boys and we watched a bit of TV as we had our breakfast.  My sister, Janette, and her family were visiting from Wiltshire for the weekend and they were due to come over about mid morning.  They arrived and I took Pete, Janette's husband, to collect some flags (for the BBQ).  I had hoped to get them laid as well, but the weather was cold, and to be honest I didn't feel like laying the flags, but at least I have what I need ready to start building.  

After getting the flags I nipped out to get some lunch for everyone.  Janette had been looking after all the kids; Oscar and Sidney, and her two children, Arthur and Alice.  In the afternoon we let the kids play, while we had a catch up, Pete needed to do some shopping so went to town.  The kids were running all over the house and playing with all the toys.  In the late afternoon they  left to have tea at my mums.

Ema and Dan were coming for the evening and to stay over.  My sister and Pete also joined us for a indian takeaway and a couple of games of pictionary.  Although it's not rock n roll, we all had fun.  Janette and Pete went back to my mums, but the drinking continued.  It's really good to have Ema and Dan come so often, they have both been really supportive.  If only they lived closer to us!

When we were up on Sunday morning, a little worse for wear, we started watching the London Marathon, hopefully we would see our friend Stacy.  Although marathons take a long time, I find that watching the London Marathon is exciting, especially when Mo Farah is debuting at the marathon distance.  Unfortunately Mo didn't win and we didn't see Stacy, but it was still good to watch, and I'm really proud of Stacy for doing it!

In the afternoon after Ema and Dan left, John (father-in-law) came over.  We had planned to do a practice walk, ready for the Walk in the Dark on the 26th April.  We were going to walk from my house to his house, approximately 6 miles.  It was a nice day, the sun was out and it was warm, but a little breezy.  John had been training for a couple of weeks on the treadmill, but now it was time to pound the pavements.  We had an enjoyable walk across Preston, taking in some of the sights, the river Ribble, St Walbergs church, Deepdale football ground and Moor Park.  We completed the walk (5.5 miles) in one and a half hours and John was really chuffed, and it gave him the confidence he needed to believe he can do the 10 miles in 2 weeks time.

The evening we spent chilling out and relaxing, ready for my three day week until the next Chemo session on Thursday and then Easter weekend and a bank holiday.

Working Week

Wednesday through to Friday was just a usual week at work.  We are currently recruiting for new team members and so I was interviewing on Thursday and Friday.  On Wednesday our friends came over again for the evening.  Laura, Zoe and Ed and as per usual, we enjoyed the get together with a drink or two.  I like these evenings as we can chat with our mates, but the TV doesn't get switched on at all - a TV free night.

 Thursday was just another day in the office, and in the evening it was pleasant enough for Lisa and I to go for a run together.  We planned a longer run than the previous couple of weeks, but as we were out running decided to do just a 5k, my knee was a little sore (probably due to lack of running) and Lisa was due to go out.  Again it's good to get out and have a run, especially when it's a nice evening to run; little wind, warm but not hot and definitely not raining.  Lisa lives about 2 minutes away, just enough to sprint back to mine and feel out of breath to finish off the run.  This short sprint (probably about 300m - although I really should measure it) is the way I finish most of my runs and I enjoy the sprint finish!!

 The last working day of the week went by without incident.  As it was Rob's last day before leaving the team to join the tech side, we finished early around four and three of us, Rob, Matt and myself, went out for a drink to the local pub near work.  We sat in the sun for a while until it got too cold then we went inside.  Unfortunately the whole team wasn't there but it was a good idea to go out for a drink after work - I could get used to this!!

 This last week I have felt much better and stronger, sometimes I forget that I am actually having Chemo and take medication daily.  It's easy to forget as I feel great, much healthier than before.  The first week after Chemo is difficult, it does get easier and although I do feel tired I also feel like I could take on the world, it's strange to feel tired but also full of energy at the same time.

Happy People

Today I only worked half a day, and it was busy.  Due to sickness and holidays we are currently short staffed and one of the team had a break-in so had to leave.  This left a very skeleton team to cover and I was due to leave half day to have a oncology appointment.  Luckily just as I was leaving Rob called to say he was on his way back to work, but unfortunately his bike had been stolen.

I left work and went home to collect my things and have some lunch.  I wasn't home long before leaving again to pick up Leonie from work and going to the appointment.  It was chaos at the hospital as it was visiting time and all the car parks were full.  We waited about 15 minutes just to get in the car park, before luckily driving straight into a space.  I wanted to see the guys at the Rosemere Charity office, but we didn't have much time so just dropped off a few more entry forms.

In the appointment was Dr Mitchell, Claire and Janette, the trials nurse and upper GI nurse.  We had a general chat about the symptoms I was having. They were all very happy that I had put on weight, my official weigh is 59.3KG.I mentioned that I was still working and going running,  and Dr Mitchell was impressed with how well I was doing.  It was good to have an open chat about what was happening.

The conversation then moved onto the plans for surgery and we worked out that I would be having another CT scan around mid May and the surgery towards the end of June.  They told me that it would all be officially booked in once I had my final Chemo session.  So it would depend on when I had the Chemo, which in turn depended on my bloods which would be taken next Wednesday before my next Chemo session.

All this talk of the surgery and next steps makes it all the more real.  We chatted about the recovery and they would expect a couple of days in intensive care, followed by a couple of days in high dependancy,  I would then spend a week on a normal ward.  They would expect me to leave hospital after about two weeks.  I asked them about running afterwards, they told me that I should be able to start running about 6 months after having major surgery.

They were very happy with my current progress through the Chemo treatment, and this made me happy too, although I am still a little worried about the surgery, but less so now after some comforting words from the team.  After our appointment, both me and Leonie went to leave, but they took Leonie aside amd asked if I really was as well as I described, she told them that I was coping well!

"The son becomes the father, the father becomes the son"

Sunday was to be another day of watching sport, another F1 and Everton vs Arsenal in a 6 pointer.  I was asked by my mum to help my dad change a ceiling light in the kitchen at their house.  As a dutiful son I went round, however instead of being my dads helper the roles were reversed.  My dad an electrician for his career helped as I changed the fitting in the kitchen, ok it isnt the best job but I did it.  My dad struggled mainly due to failing eyesight and the fact he refuses to wear glasses but he was stumped on some things electrical, which is down too his memory problems.  It started about 8 years ago and he suffers from dementia and over time you can see it becoming worse, however he is still in good spirits and currently I think both my mum and dad are managing.

The whole episode reminded me of the Marlon Brando quote from Superman; "The son becomes the father, the father becomes the son".  It made me think how alike we actually are and I can see myself becoming my dad; and as northerners, we both like our flat caps too!

After helping out at my mums, I dropped Stacy at the station before settling down for a lazy day watching sport.  Everton, currently riding high in the EPL, were to play Arsenal at Goodison.  If we won, we would close the gap and put us in a good position to play in the Champions League next season.  Everton won convincingly 3-0, which made my day.  Then onto F1, and another good result with Brit Lewis Hamilton driving to victory, unfortunately Jenson recorded a DNF.

In the evening we watched Gravity,  and I thought it was a good film, although, if I get the chance to (Richard Branson), I don't think I will be going up after watching that!

Monday was usual, back to work.  Nothing out of the ordinary, just another day in the office, until I got a message from Karyn (she had a day off).  I was in trouble for not telling her about how tired I had been feeling, although she now knew after reading the blog.  This weekend, however, had been much better. I had caught up on some sleep and relaxed.  Although I had been running, it was neither far or fast, and I came clean about that too!  But I suppose tomorrow I will be answering some questions!   I prefer being at work though, just to be around people.  I would rather be here than sat at home alone, and I am fit enough to work,  so why take time off when I don't need too.

Tuesday I have an appointment with Dr Mitchell and hopefully we can try and work out the rest of the treatment plan and get some dates for the surgery.

Invigorated

Leonie was working on Saturday and I had a day with the boys, another Daddy day.  The morning was relaxed, we didn't get dressed until 10.  We played with lego building cars and rockets, but the boys like making silly people with the wrong bodys and/or legs and making up stories with these new characters.  Oscar has such a vivid imagination and can happily play in his world for hours.  Sid likes Captain America, everything has to be the Captain, before that it was Iron Man and before that it was Superman, whereas Oz has always been a Batman fan.  Today Sid was dressed as Captain America and his new made up lego man was essentially Captain America with Batmans cape.  Over the last couple of weeks Sid has matured a lot, in his speech, vocubulary, awareness and interaction, it really is amazing watching people grow - right in front of your eyes!

After lunch we were going to go shopping, but before we could leave, Stacy arrived.   It was good to have another pair of hands for shopping and we needed it!  Both the boys, after a nice chilled morning, decided to go into meltdown in the shops; at the checkouts there was an audible gasp from quite a few people!  We got the shopping done as quickly as possible before leaving to get home, and once home, the boys went back to normal, playing nicely.  I had arranged for my mum to come over and look after the boys for an hour so Stacy and I could go running.  It's her final week of prep before her marathon debut at London next weekend.   My first marathon was London, it's an awesome race, and although I haven't run abroad (apart from Wales and Scotland!!), no other race comes close for atmosphere.  I have run London twice, and would do again at the drop of a hat, but it is a premium price for a premium race!

I took her a slightly different route to the ones we have been running recently, mainly because it was daylight.  We went down to the river Ribble and through Avenham Park before coming back into Penwortham.  It was humid but nice to run in.  The sun peaked through on the odd occasion but it also rained lightly too.  It was good to get out and reminded me how and why I miss it.  I love the fact I can go out and have some time to think, and look around.  I prefer running south towards Hutton and Longton, but it is safer to run north to Preston, and most of my runs tend to be safe, although sometimes I do treat myself.  We waxed lyrical about running the entire run, explaining our favourite routes and training sessions.   We told each other why we love running and gave a few training tips; I offered a few last minute reminders for next week.

We got back the same time as Leonie and had done just over an hour training.   I felt invigorated and if I was allowed, I would of just continued running, simply because I could.  We got back in and my mum left, we showered and got the boys their tea before Laura arrived for the evening.  Once the boys were in bed we made some of our home made pizzas while Stacy made garlic bread, all GF of course.

The pizzas were delicious and our tea was followed by a few drinks and a night of non-stop laughter.  At some points I thought that I was going to burst or split open I was laughing so much.  It was a hilarious evening, I probably drank too much and went to bed too late, but after the week I had had, this had been the perfect tonic, a good run, made me feel great, not just physically, but mentally too, and then a good evening, spent with good friends.

Weary Week

The rest of the week went by, the tiredness remained and the sick feeling stayed too.  Over the last couple of days I have had a tingling sensation come and go in my finger tips, sometimes it just hurts a little when I touch something lightly, but it's manageable.

On Wednesday I got some really good feedback from Tuesday's meeting about data protection.  I continued with some work, and eat loads, currently I am eating breakfast followed by 3-4 hot meals with snacks on top each day.  My lowest weight recently was 7 and a half stone in October,  I'm now tipping the scales at 9 and a half stone; the heaviest I have ever been.  When I had my operation in early February the dietician gave me a goal weight of 57KG, I weighed myself the other day and I have surpassed this target hitting 60KG.  My work trousers are getting tight and I can tell, as can everyone else.  Lots of people are saying that I am looking healthier than ever, Leonie even said that previously I had looked grey and gaunt, but now I look fuller and tanned!  Not all bad!

Anne (Dave's mum) sent some jelly babies for me and they helped with the metallic taste in my mouth.  They didn't last long though, neither did the GF chocolate cake from the weekend!  In the evening we started to watch wonder women, it's so bad, it's good! During the day I got a phone call from Rosemere asking for me to be case study, so we did a phone interview and hopefully they will print it, she was asking me mainly about the Walk in the Dark, I'm hoping I can do the walk, but it shouldn't be a problem, I can do 10 miles run in my sleep, so a 10 mile walk should be easy.

Thursday was much the same, just plodding on as usual, just a little slower and more tired.  My bedtime is getting ealier each night and I can tell it's getting more difficult.  I feel weary for most of the first week after chemo, and this time it's been harder, but they did say that the second Chemo would be the worst.  I have been able to cope with it so far and I am more worried about the surgery and the recovery from that.  I want to run again, and I plan to go for a run this weekend when our friend Stacy visits.  She ran her first mile 2 years ago and was chuffed with her achievement then, but next weekend she runs her first marathon, when she lines up next to Mo Farah to run the London Marathon, I'm really quite jealous of her!

Coping with the Side Affects

Tuesday I felt better, but still not great.  I decided to go to work though as I didn't want another day alone with my thoughts for company.  I arrived at work about 9.30 and was informed I was due in a meeting at 10am.  I was sitting in for someone who was ill and who had originally booked the meeting. The was about data protection and although I'm not hot on the subject managed to nail the meeting.  Over the weekend my appetite had dimished but today I was ravenous; after two lunches I was prepared for the rest of the day.  It was a hard day physically and more anti-sickness tablets, but I felt more motivated than Monday and I am glad I went to work.  I worked almost the entire day and felt better for it, although it was tiring.

During the day I sent in my next column to the Lancashire Evening Post and also spoke to them, to check that they would spell my name right.  I managed to get a lot done at work; working on some small projects, I made some progress, but not as much as I had liked too, but I keep reminding myself that I shouldn't be at work anyway, the main reason I go is so I'm not on my own at home.  Part of me is dreading the time after surgery as I will probably be on my own for a lot of the time, and I'm not the best company for myself, I like to be around people.  I will have to get used to that.  I am ok when I am out running or riding, but usuaully I am motivated and active so can focus on the run and work through it, but being on my own inside with no activity for long periods is unknown territory and I'm not sure how I will cope.  I picked up Oscar and Sid on my way home and in the evening our friends Laura and Zoe came over.

Having friends over takes your mind off things and we had a good laugh.  Zoe said she would come and keep me compnay while I'm at home after surgery and we planned some boxsets we could watch.  I remember when I was younger that I was intrigued by space and it's vastness and openness.  I even wrote to NASA and tried to write a book about the subject as an 8 year old; NASA were very good and replied to my request sending me a big pack of pamplets and books!  I didn't know this shared interest I had with Zoe,  but she also likes space (the final frontier) and has loads of boxsets about space, so this will be my summer viewing.

It was a good evening and having our friends over really does help, and I don't think they realise how much normality it brings.  During the day I had felt pretty bad and these odd side affects weren't getting easier, but they weren't getting worse.  I am bright red in the face and Luke at work jokes that he can't tell if I'm mad or embarrassed, he tries to embarrass me as much as possible.  I seem to be getting more sleep than the last couple of night's but the tiredness remains almost constant.

And Then It Hits You

It was the start of another week and I woke up on day three of the second cycle of my Chemo treatment.  I didn't feel good, in fact I felt weary and tired.  The Chemo, and its probably the steroids rather than Chemo, stop you sleeping, and I had been getting about three hours each night.  I woke up thinking that this lack of sleep had finally caught up with me.

I text my boss to tell her that I would be late in, and Karyn text back to say that I shouldn't go in at all, something that I hadn't contemplated, my first thought is always what time can I get into work.  It's not that I think my job is the best in the world, but it's more the idea that I can't and shouldn't disappoint or leave the guys on their own.  I know that they can sort all the stuff out that needs to be done and can probably do it without intervention from me a lot better, but I feel like I can't let go, or not go into work.

The boys were dropped off at the various places and I ran myself a bath.  I am glad that I had Monday off work, but at the same time I felt really low and this gave me time to think about things too much. I spent a long time in the bath, just lying there. I thought about a lot of things, but the one thing that took up most of my thoughts was the impending surgery.  After speaking to Claire on Friday about the plans for surgery, it had brought it to the forefront of my mind.  Would I be able to run like I used to, how soon could I walk after surgery, what would my eating be like afterwards?  These are the things that scare me.  For me, I am an active person, before I found out about the cancer I ran and cycled,  I was able to push my body to achieve feats that I thought I wasn't capable of and if I can't do this, it would upset me.  So having these thoughts initially upset me, but on reflection just make me more determined.

In the afternoon, I decided to take some action.  I went to town to find a hat, a first small step.  My hair is still coming out and getting thinner, but at the moment I can get away with it. I went to a few shops with no luck, it seems I have a head the size of a small child, no hats fit me, another blow.  I came home a little disgruntled and decided to sleep, I needed it.

The boys were home and Leonie joined us after work.  As usual we got the boys fed and in bed, and relaxed in the evening.  This so far had been the worst day of the treatment.  It's the first time that I felt weak and unmotivated.  I felt sick and had taken my dose of anti-sickness tablets.  The bad metallic tatse was ever present and whatever I ate didn't shift it.  I really wanted to get rid of the taste as I was sure this was making me feel sick more than anything.  Hopefully Tuesday would bring the change I was hoping for.

Mothers Day

After sleeping very little throughout the night, I turned on my tablet to watch the F1, only to find out it was to be live an hour later.  I got out of bed and made Leonie a coffee and made sure the boys came in to give her the presents, DVDs of the three Lynda Carter Wonder Women TV series from the 1970s; classic.  After presents and cuddles I watched the F1 and it was a good race for me and my Fantasy F1 team.

Leonie's parents were due for lunch and we were having slow cooked ham and roast trimmings, one of my favourites; although it was mothers day, it seems as though I was being treated by Leonie!  Shortly after lunch I watched my team Everton beat Fulham, keeping Aresnal honest in fourth place and closing the gap!

It was an awesome lunch and its good to see family.  After the football, we left to go to my sister's to see my mum.  We arrived and were given drinks and sat out in the garden enjoying the sun,  it soon became a little chilly so we moved inside.  My sister, Shelia, hadn't been seen much as she was organising the afternoon tea.  We enjoyed sandwiches and cakes, all gluten free.  The cakes were tasty, coffee sponge, orange cheescake, chocolate cake and lemon drizzle cake, I tried them all, and they were all good.  Daves mum had also made a chocolate gluten free cake and as it was going spare, it was offered to me to take home.

The day was just what the doctor ordered, lots a family and plenty of laughs.  The afternoon at my sisters was entertaining and the converstions were funny.  The only thing that put a bad taste in the mouth was the literal bad taste I had in my mouth.  The cisplatin Chemo drug that I am given gives you a very metallic taste in your mouth which cannot be gotten rid of, whatever you try, and the taste is overpowering.

I ate loads of different flavours and nothing shifted this taste.  This is a lot worse than last time.   We got the boys home and away to bed, then we had another early night as my sleeping hadn't improved and I was getting really tired.